Facebook folks have recently taken to playing something called “The Number Game.”

Here’s how it works, according to the OFFICIAL Numbers Game Facebook page:  “Facebook users can ask their friends what they think about them by supplying them with a number through a message. The friend then gives the answer via a status, and attaches the number to their answer for identification purposes.”

Got that?  I didn’t think so. After all, it’s gibberish!

Here’s how it actually works:  First you write down a number of things that your Facebook friends probably don’t know about you, then you post them on Facebook. It’s also necessary to assume the fiction that someone asked you to do so, and gave you a specific number, thereby neatly avoiding the unpleasant truth that this is an exercise in ego gratification.

My number is 8. Here are 8 to 10 to maybe 13 things you may not know about me.

1) When I was four years old I was hopelessly lost deep in the bowels of Carlsbad Caverns until my father found me in the candy aisle of the gift shop.

2) I know no one who is now living in Fargo. Conversely, no one in Fargo knows me.

3) When I was 9 years old I came down with a terrible case of Dutch Elm Disease, but was saved by a passing arborist.

4) I speak seven languages. Perhaps even more remarkably, I have invented six languages.

5) Because I am an optimist, I regard my bald spot not as a smudge on my otherwise good looks, but rather as an expanded facility for the manufacture of Vitamin D.

6) For a brief time in my early 20s I was certain I had a bright future as a professional singer and dancer, but then I sobered up.

7) In high school my closest friends called me “Hey, you.”

8) My fingernails grow at an average rate of 1/10th of an inch per month.  Had I lacked either the requisite discipline or the tools, they would now be six feet long.  And then there are my toenails.

9) I have a rare congenital disorder that prevents cheese from binding me up.

10) One night after removing my shoes I discovered I had blisters on both of my feet.  I’m pretty sure it was an early stage of the stigmata.

11) For four days in 1983 I was a girl.

12) I was born with a green thumb.

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